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hates the way i can still love him.
so i dont write on here much, but i feel that if i dont takl about this to i am giong to explode!!! ok so last week was my 21st birthday! yay for me. i got about $250 from family members. I planned on getting this tattoo that i have been wanting for a LONG time! the tatto was only going to be about 80 and i was going to spend the rest on little things like, makeup, new jeans, and small stuff for rylee for christmas. well it didnt happen that way. Like alot of people in the owrld right now we are BROKE! so i spend ALL of my money on paying bills. My husband pretty much made me, and to be honest, i would of felt really bad if i had gotten a tattoo knowing that we were really late on a bill.. so i did it with no complaining. We still have 2 bills that are due in about a day, and my sticker on my car expired on the 30th. Welll this morning my husband called me on his way home from work. he works nights so he gets home at about 8 am. he told me that he was going to sell his Subs to some guy from his work for 200. He specifically told me that he was going to use the money to get us caught up completly, and we wouldnt have to worry about any more biills for the month. Well the MINUTE the guy left, he looked at me with a little smucker on his face and said " HAHA im not going to use this for the bills, im going to go out and buy guitar hero for my xbox................ you dont even want to know my reaction.. pretty much i flipped out. I spend all my fuckin birthday money on trying my hardest to catch up on bills. His excuse is.. "i work my ass off and have nothing to show for it." ok we live in a 88,000 house. both have alright car.. but that isnt enough for him. ok about 3 months ago, he came home and toldme that he bought a fourwheeler. his excuse was the same for that. now that fourwheeler is in pieces in our shed becasue it broke.. i am soo fuckin pissed off i cant even think straight. i went to my grandma's hosue to cool down, my daughter fell asleep there, and my grandma told me to just let her stay the night. which is a good thing becasue when i get home, ,i am going to throw a fit. ok i understand that i am a stay ay home mom and have no income. but your fuckin kidding me! he can always find a awy to go out and get HIMSELF something he likes, and honestly the last thing that i got was my wedding ring. and before that i cant even remember. i wear the some clothes i have worn since i was in high school. ye i have gotten a few new shirt, but its things my mom has bought me becasue she felt bad for me. He goes out all the time and gets new clothes. i dont even know how to explain him. honestly i cant believe that i didnt see that he was this way before. i kinda wish i would of rethought some things in the past. if it wasnt for our daughter i wouldent be here.. there are some things that he has done/said to me that should never be said. not even to the worst person in the world. one good thing is he has never hit me, and i know he never would. and i know the minute i get home he is going to give me this little lovey lovey thing and want me to accept that he bought it.. and im not going to.. im going to make his life a living hell for a while.. OOH and guess what he got me for my birthday???? NOTHING!! wow how suprizing! he picked me up from kerri's house and took me home, said happy birthday.. and went to bed. how nice! he is all about him him him him him him him him and i just cant take it anymore.. well i think i have gotten my point across. i doubt if anyone reads this, but i feel a little better just letting this all out. thanks for whoever reads this.
